Finally Found Right, But That Right Was Wrong

The title says it all. Which i guess is sort of a good thing, right?

Well i was finally getting over my parents splitting up. It seems like life was getting better. I mean at least i didn't have to hear fighting between them. So I decided to move on and finally get on with my life. Which is really good, because i was tired of being sad and mad all the time. And things were really going well. Except for the last couple weeks.

Here is the run down. I'm just annoying!

"What, Zach, No you're not!"

I call that lies. I do annoy people. I can't help it. I guess i'm just annoying, so what? Why let it get to me right?

Wrong.
 Ive really been anoying to the ones i care about the most. I try to hang out with people and they don't talk to me or they say, oh why don't you go hang out with so and so.

and I could be over reacting, but i guess it just hurts. I dont want to be annoying or mean or anything, but i am. and it hurts to know other people think so.

I've also been trying to make everyone happy. But people put me down about it, but i don;t care about that. A wise man once said "Be the Change You Wish To See In The World". And thats what i feel i have to do. But not everyone likes that idea.Which i know, in order to make other people happy you might make someone unhappy, which i get. And i don't want to do that, but i think this will all work.

Some people just don't believe in me... so that's what hurts...



Until next time

This is the way to Happiness...

The Good Left Undone

Today was somewhat better. I had my championship hockey game today. We won which i was really happy about, but not everything went well. I messes up my leg which i can still walk around and move but it hurts. I also went headfirst into the boards while trying to get the puck. So my head has been hurting non stop, which sucks because i just recovered from a concussion and the last thing i need is another one. But not only that, we (as a team) went to SmashBurger for lunch. and everyone was doing the "Salt and Ice" challenge. I didn't want to do it, but guess who no has a weird welt kinda thing and it stings really bad. So yeah, good day...

But Things sorta got better. I went out to see the Colorado Mammoth game. We lost horribly, but it was fun. I had never been before so it was pretty cool. I was just tired and couldn't focus too much.

And as for my depressing rant post i had the other day, things are still pretty much the same.

Think of it as like this:
Your playing a sport. Take Hockey. Your skating down the ice and you get a beautiful pass and all you have to do is put it in the wide open net to win or the team. But you miss. Soon everyone is pissed at you and mad at you and hates you for everything you've done. You should just leave before you mess anything else up...

That's how I feel. That i will mess up something so badly, ill just wind up where i started off. Alone. Without any friends. Without anyone who cares. And sometimes I think, why not just go and spare everyone's happiness? It just bugs me.

I guess you can say, i'm over thinking things, or you could say "You never do anything like that", because i know that is Bull.

What i'm trying to say is, i'm not ok. I don't know when ill be ok, I don't know if ill be ok. I'm finding it hard to get though everyday now. and i hate it...

But ill keep posting because right now, it seems like This is the way to happiness...

Life Less Frightening

Today was a somewhat better day. I don't know though I might be just fake being happy right now, but I can't really tell. I mean, sometimes I put on a fake smile or a fake happy mood just so I can get on through the day, but at the end of the day I have this feeling of depression, trying to make itself known. And I don't want it here. I want to be happy, I want life to be better, but no matter how hard I push, I just can't seem to be happy. In the words of Tim Mcllrath, "I don't ask for much, truth be told I'd settle for a life less frightening..."
Which I hope I can get somehow. But I just can't seem to. Some people and some things just get in the way of the day that I want to be happy. And there's always tomorrow right..? But I just can't see myself being happy tomorrow either...
Like today. I just was really sad so I are a whole can of Pringles which I know that using food to cover up sadness is bad, but I can't help it. And yeah I guess I do burn it off later, but still. I just eat a lot now. And yeah I'm no six pack hot guy that all the girls want, but I don't feel like I stand a chance against them. Which I mean look at them. All the girls dream about them and I just don't live up to that expectation though. I mean it's not bad. I could honestly care less that ill never have all those muscles, I just hope that I won't be a jerk if I ever come to that achievement.
I just don't want to see myself become a jerk or a person who hurts people, which I guess I have been lately. Which I don't want to be, but I just want to make everyone happy, and I know that may be an unrealistic goal but I want to try.
So I guess to summarize, I wish I could be one of those Gus who was you know, somewhat good looking, even though the way I look now is fine to me, well above the shirt...but I just don't want to at the same time I wish I could be. I just don't want to be that jerk who messes everything up. Which I really have been lately and anyone can tell me that I haven't, but I have a hard time believing that.



Until next time. I guess this is the way to happiness...

This Way To Happiness 2

Messing Up

I don't know,i just feel horrible today. I have all day, and it just had to do with lunch and, i just feel like i mess everything up! I feel like ill mess everything up with everyone. and i hate that people think im stupid for all of this but truthfully, they have no idea how i feel. I want to be happy, but i see no way for me to. Everything just crumbles around me and I don't want anyone to do things just so I'm happy. As far as I'm Concerned, if i don't have happiness, what's the point? I just want everyone to be happy, but so far I'm just messing everything up...

Background Info

I decided to make this because i felt like i needed to share my story somehow, and felt like this was a good way to do it. So i'll try to post here as much as I can. I know barley anyone will read this, so its worth a shot. My friend Emily recently did something like this, and it was working for her, so why not me..? Enjoy...

This Way To Happiness 1