Life Less Frightening

Today was a somewhat better day. I don't know though I might be just fake being happy right now, but I can't really tell. I mean, sometimes I put on a fake smile or a fake happy mood just so I can get on through the day, but at the end of the day I have this feeling of depression, trying to make itself known. And I don't want it here. I want to be happy, I want life to be better, but no matter how hard I push, I just can't seem to be happy. In the words of Tim Mcllrath, "I don't ask for much, truth be told I'd settle for a life less frightening..."
Which I hope I can get somehow. But I just can't seem to. Some people and some things just get in the way of the day that I want to be happy. And there's always tomorrow right..? But I just can't see myself being happy tomorrow either...
Like today. I just was really sad so I are a whole can of Pringles which I know that using food to cover up sadness is bad, but I can't help it. And yeah I guess I do burn it off later, but still. I just eat a lot now. And yeah I'm no six pack hot guy that all the girls want, but I don't feel like I stand a chance against them. Which I mean look at them. All the girls dream about them and I just don't live up to that expectation though. I mean it's not bad. I could honestly care less that ill never have all those muscles, I just hope that I won't be a jerk if I ever come to that achievement.
I just don't want to see myself become a jerk or a person who hurts people, which I guess I have been lately. Which I don't want to be, but I just want to make everyone happy, and I know that may be an unrealistic goal but I want to try.
So I guess to summarize, I wish I could be one of those Gus who was you know, somewhat good looking, even though the way I look now is fine to me, well above the shirt...but I just don't want to at the same time I wish I could be. I just don't want to be that jerk who messes everything up. Which I really have been lately and anyone can tell me that I haven't, but I have a hard time believing that.



Until next time. I guess this is the way to happiness...